So as I mentioned before, I'm in the process of losing weight. Mr.P was a bad influence on me, he got me into the lazy habit of eating out all the time. From when we met until we married, I gained 30 lbs. After our wedding, I gained another 25 lbs. This spring I was horrified to see that *magic* number on the scale at the doctors office (we do not have a scale at home). It's not like I didn't realize I was heavier, I was aware, but in denial of how bad it was. In mid-April I joined Weight Watchers. It's been a positive program for me, in just over 3 months I've lost about 30 lbs. I'd like to lose another 20+ lbs before I get pregnant. I like the concept of the program, where all food items have a "point" value assigned to them based on the calories, fat and fiber. I've never been good at financial accounting, nor with my calorie consumption accounting. Having the "points" it really does keep me accountable for what I'm eating/drinking. I generally eat pretty healthy, I was just eating too much. Now we dine in a lot more, which is good because it saves us a lot of money too. I figure I should reach my weight goal by next spring.
I have this growing fear that next year when I'm in good shape and we're ready to start trying to get pregnant, it won't happen. I'm afraid we'll have fertility problems. Recently I've become addicted to reading info on thenestbaby.com and I have been really surprised by how common fertility problems are. I know it's silly to worry about things that I have no control over, and who knows, maybe we'll be one of those lucky couples who conceives right away. But what if we're not? I was hospitalized once for a ruptured ovarian cyst which can be a complication of poly-cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). If I do have this disorder, that could mean serious fertility issues. I try to push the fear out of my mind...but it's hard.
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At some point a couple of years ago Phil and I decided that we could have a baby. I started reading on the internet and became obsessed with those fertility sites. I was so worried that I wouldn't ever get pregnant. We weren't trying, but I was afraid to. I think trying and worrying can make it nearly impossible to conceive. For us I think it just happened when it was meant to happen.
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