He was more than just a box of stuff.

Earlier this evening I visited the wife of J, my co-worker who died this week. Yesterday I packed up all his stuff, the sweater hanging on the back of his chair, his picture frames of his family, his sneakers he kept under his desk in case he had time to sneak away for a walk at lunch. Packing up his stuff made it easier for T and I to be in our small workspace the three of us shared. Of course, if it were Mr.P who suddenly died I think that I would not want anything at home touched or moved or washed, it would take me a while to be able to pack things up. But with J, it was easiest to box his things and try to do the best we can to continue our work (though thankfully it has been a slow week, because neither T or I are very motivated right now).

C talked to J's wife this afternoon to get the memorial service information. He found out that she wanted to get the pictures back right away that were on his desk since they are putting together a slide show for the memorial. Since I live the closest to them, it made sense for me to be the one to take her the box of stuff.

I ended up skipping my class tonight; by the time I got home to eat a quick dinner and grab my tools/supplies I just didn't feel like going or feel capable of working with dangerous tools/machines. It's OK, I can make up the class next week or the week after since the teacher is there three nights a week. I'm having a hard time with my anger; particularly at two people in our building who had caused a lot of stress for J in the past two weeks (personality issues) and while I know they aren't the cause of his heart attack, the stress they caused him must've played at least a tiny role in bringing it on. The anger kind of hits me in waves, and then it subsides, only to return a little while later. I already disliked these two people in the building, but now I have zero respect for them.

J's wife was so sweet, and she seemed so strong and really had it together despite the circumstances. She invited me in and I sat and talked with her for about 10 minutes. She told me that J always thought really highly of me, and I let her know how proud he was of her and their son, constantly talking of them and how important they were to him. I had not been to their house before, but from the descriptions J had given me, it looked just like I expected it would. I was impressed with how strong J's wife seemed (though I'm sure she has her moments) because I know that if I were in her situation I would be a complete mess.

Not much else I can think of to say....but it does make me feel really needy of Mr.P. I have called him a few times extra per day, and I find myself getting really impatient waiting for him to come home from work.