Can YOU keep a secret?

A while ago I told a friend a bit of personal information (a secret). I swore her to secrecy and trusted that she would stay true to her word. A few days later she admitted that she shared my secret with her mother. I was a little annoyed, but explained that she better make sure her mother understood the importance of the secrecy since there were other people in their family I was withholding the secret from.

The same thing happened again with another friend. I told him something personal and let him know how important it was for the information to remain private. He went on about how honored he was to be in "the inner circle" and that I trusted him enough to divulge such personal information. A week later, he confessed that he had shared the secret with his brother (someone I barely know). Again, I was thinking, "WTF?! Can't people keep their mouths shut?" I recently saw this friends brother, and it felt really uncomfortable to me knowing that this guy knows something so personal.

These experiences have had me thinking about secrets and human nature. Can people truly keep secrets? What makes people share the private information that others have shared with them? Is it a need to gossip, to hear someone else's opinion, or just the fact that knowing you're "not supposed" to tell makes you want to tell even more? Or something else?

I've wracked my brain trying to figure this out. In each of those situations, there was no need or relevance for either of those people to tell the people they did (it's not like my friends mother or my other friends brother have any interest or stake in knowing things about me). I still have yet to ask each of my friends (if they can even remember now) why they chose to divulge my secret. The more I've thought about it, the more curious I am about this topic of human nature and the art of keeping secrets.

Last weekend I was in a situation where I was having a conversation with another friend and for a moment I had the urge to tell her a secret since it was relevant to the conversation. However, I was able to stop myself when I realized that it was quite possible she would do the same thing the other two people did (tell someone else). Also, I was remembering my New Year's resolution I made to be better at keeping things private and not allowing myself to be such an open book.

More Travel.

Over the next month we are taking 3 weekend trips. Normally we try to space them out a bit more, but it didn't work out to do that this time.

The first one will be this weekend. Sunday is Mr.P's birthday, and since I am not throwing him a party this year (we did have a pretty awesome surprise party last year. He really was surprised!) This year we'll be taking a weekend getaway. Two of our close friends gave us a very generous gift card for Christmas to a resort/spa on Hoods Canal. We're looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend. I'm also super excited that the room comes with a large soaking tub (if you remember my previous blog about my lack of a tub at home).

Later in the month we'll be taking a trip to Portland to visit one of my cousins for a day and a half, and then spend another day and a half visiting an aunt and uncle. Mr.P is excited about going wine tasting in the Willamette Valley with my cousin (he's a big fan of Pinot Noir, the premier grape for that area). I am excited about hitting the outlet mall in Woodburn.

The beginning of March we'll be heading to San Francisco. Usually we go down there a few times a year (to visit my dad), but he has been up here a few times this past year, so we haven't made a trip down there in almost a year. One of our good friends who was a groomsman in our wedding now lives there, so it will be a good time to visit both of them (and hopefully it will be a little warmer there than it's been here!)

A boring Friday night.

I'm laying on the couch with an ice pack on my back right now...so I thought it would make sense to write a blog post (nothing like pulling a muscle in your lower back while frosting cupcakes, ha ha. I wish I had a better story for how I hurt my back tonight).

Last weekend we went out for dinner with one of our favorite couple friends, D and V. They have a 1 yr old daughter, and are expecting their second baby this spring. While the guys were talking tech talk, V and I discussed babies. I was surprised to learn that when she had their first baby, she had a totally natural childbirth. That's impressive, especially since she gave birth to a nearly 10 lb baby!

I'll admit, I am kind of a whimp when it comes to pain. When I have my first child, I do not intend to go natural. I'm all about the drugs, specifically the epidural. Sure it involves a spinal tap, but that's a small price to pay for comfortable childbirth.

I also learned that V lost a lot of blood during childbirth and nearly had to have a transfusion. Scary! While blood loss during childbirth is common, losing enough blood to warrent a transfusion is pretty rare, but not outside the realm of possibility. This gave me pause for thought. I can't really explain why, but the thought of someone elses blood being put in me completely freaks me out. I'm a big fan of blood donation, I faithfully donate every 56 days at the Puget Sound Blood Center, and I am happy to be helping other people out by donating my blood. However, I cannot stomach the idea of other people's blood being put in me (unless of course it was a life or death situation). I found out that people are allowed to donate their own blood to be saved for their own surgery/childbirth in case a transfusion is necessary. It costs a small fee, but to me it is worth it. When the time comes, I am seriously going to look into banking my own blood in case it is needed during childbirth.

Getting in a good cry.

I am not really an emotional person. I'm sensitive to insults and slights by others, but rarely to the point of crying. I almost never cry during movies or sappy events (I didn't even cry at my own wedding!)

Yesterday I was supposed to go see "Bride Wars" with my best friend H. She decided she didn't want to see it anymore since she heard it got terrible reviews. I was a little bummed, but willing to see another movie. H picked "Gran Torino." I went into the theater knowing nothing about the movie other than the fact that Clint Eastwood was in it.

It was such a great movie! I really liked it, it was very moving. The ending though - it really got me. I didn't just tear up a little, I was bawling. Unconsolably crying my eyes out. My friend H, who knows I am not a crier, looked at me like I was crazy. After the movie I was in the car driving to our next destination (dinner) and while on the phone with Mr.P, he asked what the movie was about. I couldn't even explain it to him without bawling again. Finally he was like, "Um, maybe I'll just look up the synopsis online..."

The point is, it was a really good movie. It also felt good to get a good cry in. "They" say it's good to cry once and awhile to release toxins.

Sunny with a bit of a chill.

This weekend was nice, I got to spend a lot of quality time with Mr.P, and we also spent time here and there with a few good friends. In recent weeks I've been thinking a lot about friendships and what I value from my friendships. Mostly this stems from me hearing about some gossip other people have said about me. It definitely makes me feel angry, frustrated, and sad. But it gives me time to think about who my real friends are.

Today is a paid holiday for me! I love having a day off, and being paid too :-) I've spent most of the day so far being lazy, but it's been relaxing at the same time. In a little while I'm off to hang out with my oldest and closest friend. But first...I need to get my car washed, it is so dirty!

Resolutions.

We're nearly two weeks into the new year! Usually it seems that January drags on and feels slightly depressing after the holidays have passed. This year I feel like January is flying by! Despite the dreariness of the weather and bare trees, I've been feeling pretty happy and content with life.

Tonight Mr.P and I were eating a quiet dinner together after church. We were talking about our resolutions for the coming months/year ahead. He just finished a training this past week which helped him learn a lot about his leadership and management style. It gave him a lot to think about as to how he presents himself, and it gave him time to reflect on how he'd like to change certain aspects of his communication style. He'd also like to start presenting himself better - such as making sure he's shaved, wearing clean/ironed clothing (ha ha...he's going to need to learn to help with the laundry if he has this expectation!)

As for my resolutions, I feel like I would like to be better at keeping secrets. I've never been very good at keeping things to myself (at least things pertaining to my life), I tend to be an open book to those who know me. But as I've gotten older I've felt an increased need for privacy about certain things. This past week I learned that something I had wanted to keep semi-private was leaked by one friend to some other friends and so on....when I heard that several people knew this piece of information about me I felt somewhat violated. Not that I wouldn't have shared the story with some of those friends, I just felt like I should have been the one to tell people, not them hearing second or third hand. Also, since there is more to the story than I was willing to share, I felt slightly caught off guard.

However, that situation aside, I am currently holding onto a big secret. It's been a lot easier to keep my secret than I thought it would be, and now that I've been holding onto it for awhile I feel so protective of it that I don't know if I want to share it with anyone but Mr.P!

Allergy attack part II.

I took it easy yesterday after returning home from the ER (which really sucked because I badly needed to be at work, but with my hands swollen it hurt to much to do anything requiring my hands). The meds they gave me made me sleepy, so I curled up on the couch to watch tv which inevitably led me to falling asleep. I woke up around 3 with my symptoms returning. My hands were getting more swollen then they'd been to begin with, and I was starting to develop swelling and a rash on the bottoms of my feet (which made it painful to walk). I hadn't really eaten anything but crackers, sprite, and water all day, so we were sure it wasn't something I ate.

Mr.P reminded me that Thursday evening his boss had dropped by with his dog (they live a few blocks away from us). Mr.P's boss and his shepard mix came in our house and hung out for an hour or so, with the dog moving around various spots on the floor near our couch. Was that what was bringing on the symptoms again? My bare feet were on the floor where the dog had been, and my feet began swelling within a few hours of being in that room. At that point I took a shower and relocated myself to the bedroom while Mr.P cleaned/vacumned the living room to remove any sign of dog. I dozed off again in bed, and when I woke later in the evening my puffiness had not subsided. We went out for dinner, and right after we got to the restaurant I began itching like crazy again. Mr.P noticed the rash/hives had developed over my neck, chin, and next to my eye (let me tell you how NOT attractive this looked!)

We went home and called the ER and they suggested I take another dose of the benedryl/zantac they'd given me, and if the symptoms didn't get better to come back in. An hour and a half later I was feeling worse, so we returned to the ER. This time they gave me prednisone in addition to an IV of benedryl. The itchining went away shortly, but the swelling wasn't any better. They kept me there for several hours, and finally they let me go home around 4 AM after they'd run a series of blood tests to check for other issues. This morning I woke up feeling better with my hands looking better (though they hurt like crazy, all the areas that were swollen now have this bruised sensation when I touch them to anything).

I'm going to make an appt tomorrow with my allergy clinic to get some new testing done, and in the meantime I'll be stearing clear of any homes that have dogs/cats. I feel bad because we have many friends who have animals that they love like children. I hope not to offend any of those friends, but until we figure out for sure what caused this severe reaction, I don't want to take any chances.

Stay puft marshmallow hands.

I quit taking my allergy medication about a month ago because of our TTC status...and so far I wasn't really having any problems (my severe seasonal allergies are the worst between April and August). All seemed well.

Last night I was at a friend's house watching a movie, and by the time I left there I was feeling really itchy. I just chalked this up to my having been exposed to a dog and cat for the evening (I'm mildly allergic to cats, moderately allergic to dogs). By the time I got home I was full blown itching like crazy. I got in bed and fell asleep, but woke up around 4 or 5 AM. I got up to use the bathroom, and when I looked in the mirror I could see a blotchy red rash over my face, along with severe swelling (my eyelids were so swollen my eyes looked like little slits). I looked down and noticed that my hands were also quite puffy. I was still itching and had a red rash over my arms and legs. I woke up Mr.P and we both got on our computers and started googling my symptoms. Some scary stuff came up, but he was able to calm me down and we decided that since I wasn't having any breathing problems we would go back to sleep and see how I was in a few hours.

When I woke up around 8, my symptoms were worse, and my left hand was so swollen I couldn't bend my fingers. We threw on some clothes and jumped in the car and drove to the emergency room. At that point I wasn't thinking it was an allergic reaction since I'd never experienced anything like it, I was panicing and thinking it was something horrible. Luckily the skilled nurse and doctor at UW Medical Center recongnized it as an allergic reaction and promptly hooked me up to an IV with medicine to reduce the swelling and itching. A couple hours later I was good to go, with my face looking much better (not really puffy, but still red and blotchy) and the itching had gone away. My hands are still pretty puffy, but not as bad. They wanted to cut my wedding ring off my finger, but Mr.P and I refused unless the swelling gets worse so that the circulation gets cut off, the ring will stay.

They weren't sure what caused my reaction, I didn't eat anything out of the ordinary, nor did I have any breathing problems from the attack (which is usually the first symptom of a food allergic reaction). They think that I may be having an increased intolerance to dogs and cats, and they referred me to get new allergy testing to check and see if anything has changed in the 8 months since my last allergy test. They also said that with these kinds of severe reactions, they tend to get worse with each exposure, so they said for now to avoid any contact indoors with any small animals. I now have a small arsenal of meds to take in the next few days to further reduce the swelling.

Stupidity as population control.

One thing that pisses me off to no end is when I read articles about people who were shot by police for refusing to drop a weapon or show their hands. Today the Seattle Times had a feature about a University of Washington student who was shot at 2 AM Thursday. Police responded to a call about some people shooting guns off in a residential area. They responded and knocked on the door of the house in question, and a young man wearing a nazi uniform and armed with a bayonette/rifle opened the door. After several requests for him to drop his weapon, police shot the man. He later died at the hospital. (Article link here)

Of course the article mentions his friends who talk about what a great guy he was, how he wouldn't hurt a fly, etc etc. I don't care how wonderful and nice of a person he was, if he doesn't have the intelligence to drop his weapon on police command, he deserves to be shot. The police were doing their job and were completely justified in shooting. It's simple common sense people: if the police are pointing guns at you and asking you to drop a weapon, put your hands up, or whatever else, you do it. If there is a misunderstanding, it can all be sorted out once you comply with them. People who don't listen to the police and get themselves shot (or killed) are just plain acting stupid.

I feel bad for the cops who had to shoot him, and I feel bad for his family and friends who mourn his loss. What a waste of life...all because he didn't put down the stupid gun! The other thing that bothers me is reading the comments on the soundoff board. It's amazing how many people think the police are all bad and corrupt and think that the police purposely shoot people without warning. Seriously? I have always had complete respect for the police and the job they do.

The $50 movie date.

Going to the movies is getting WAY to expensive! After spending New Year's Eve in, and then hosting a family get together on New Year's Day, we decided to go out and see a movie last night. We had a hard time deciding on one we'd both see, and ended up going to see Twilight. I had already seen it in November when it came out, but since I just finished reading all 4 books in December I thought it would be fun to see again.

The only theater it was playing at near us was the Regal Cinema downtown. We drove down there, and of course since we were cutting it close on time, there were no street parking spaces to be found and we ended up parking in the garage under the theater.

Here's the breakdown of our cost for our date:

Movie tickets: $10.50 each = $21
Large soda $5.50 and large popcorn $7.50 to share = $13
Candy to share = $4
Parking for 2.5 hours = $10
Total cost = $48

Fifty dollars to go out to the movies! Next time we go to the movies I will insist we only go to a theater that offers a military discount, and one that has a free parking lot. We should also plan on sneaking our own snacks in too.